Confessions of a Hardcore Junkie

There exist two inevitable forces in this world we’re in—the positive and the negative. So you see, negativity is unavoidable. No matter how much a person chooses the brighter side of life, he still encounters this side’s twin, its better half.

Yes, I have felt it in a very unusual way. Yes, it was truly unexpected of a person like me—sunny, jolly, bubbly. And at first, it was even unwelcome. But then again, there is no exception to life’s rules. Have the positive, have the negative. Want the good, learn to like the not-so-good, too.

I have always been an avid fan of optimism. That was why I was caught off guard when depression’s shadows slowly crept its way through the whole of me. And then, for all I know, I was already wrapped inside its dark realm, embraced by the weaker side of me. It was lonely. Scary. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to think or even what to feel. And then, there were junk foods…

They were the sweetest kind of liberation. Feeling that crunchy, munchy bits and pieces no words could ever immortalize. They were the kind of freedom—so tasty, so cheeeeesy—that releases you from a chain of pain. They are keys to your lock, keys to your core, keys to your soul. Every opened ‘tear here’ is a reassurance of a honey-and-garlic satisfaction or a roadhouse-barbecued indulgence. Yet, at the end of the day, something is still missing.

A Period of Depression

We all have our own reasons to be down at some point in our life—a flunked subject with just a point to make you pass, a lost friend that never said goodbye, or a broken heart, most especially indeed, a broken heart.

It is the same with the kind of coping mechanism that we choose to absorb: our own way, own process, own diskarte. However, any statistics will show that most teenagers (and young adults) end up in adopting vices in their system—smoking ‘till sawa, taking drugs like REAL drugs, and drinking alcoholic beverages ‘till they drown their own bellies. But mind you, mine is not as popular as all the things listed in your head.

The Confession

…I wanted them and I needed them. I wanted their fresh, delightful crisp dipped in a great tangy combination of salt and vinegar potato chips. I needed their old-fashioned style vegetarian chicharon. My hunger for them even managed to beat down my conscience because of those two attractive words: GUILT FREE.

Those nacho-pizza flavored potato crisps filled-up my senses. Filling the gaps of my existence are those enchanting cheese savored rings. What I failed to see was that I was killing myself softly. What a sad note. It was a was, a then, a so long ago. Ohh, that taste of ham & cheese corn chips, will I ever forget? Now, now, I only wanted to remember…

I want to remember the negativity of the grade in Biology101 and the loss of a friend from the past. But remember them on a safe distance. I want to remember the heart succumb by a love that never was. Remember the hand that was suppose to hold it, suppose to take good care of it, and all the other suppose-to-be’s. I want to remember the happiness brought about by the cheesiness of Mr. Chips, that precious 5 minutes that took me to consume one big pack of this cheesy snack. I want to remember every tingle offered by the salt & vinegar taste of Marty’s that satisfied all my somehow’s and at-least’s. However, it was never a 24-hour affair, just a 5-minute thing.

Renaissance

Then, the reminiscing has to cease, to reach an end. Or else, I might be aching for another batch of green Chippy. So you see, it is embarrassing to confess the taste of that sinister part of my life, to let you in in that sour-creamed world. I did lose all other means of happiness. Then, I heard my mom share a story about the daughter of a friend who died because of too much consumption of all my favorite things, turned down into two precious words: JUNK FOOD.

Is it my turn? Just when I thought that I already own all the nothingness this planet could offer, it was then that I found this life’s most delightful existence—the self. Little by little, I discovered that I have other favorite things. I started to feel that indeed, God gave me talents to use and skills to hone. I needed to be weak, to lose my sanity, to give away reason, to find out how strong I could ever be, to know how to value my presence, and to realize my own worth as a person.

I now continue to have the courage to say NO to all the alluring ketchup flavored potato fries every time I visit the grocery or even ignore that inviting V-cuts at the canteen.

It took me two whole years to obtain the self-discipline I take pride on today. It was not effortless, it was not easy… Ohh that original flavored Ruffl—ok, I’m stopping.

The Last Laugh

According to junkfoodepidemic.htm, junk food is a term used for foods that are high in sugar, fat, and salt and has little nutritional value. Different researches show that eating junk food more than necessary (and it is NOT NECESSARY in the first place) can contribute to a number of cancer cases since it generally weakens our immune system.

Another dire scenario is that having junk food as your abundant meal can make you obese in no time. Not to mention that by simply being obese, you can gain various health problems like heart diseases, diabetes, and strokes. I have learned to love myself more dearly now after my “dark ages” and I surely do not want to take these unlikely situations in my colorful life story and end it with a mere period.

I now eat a healthy diet with fruits as my munchkins and veggies for my three-times-a-day habit. Most importantly, instead of partnering with iced tea that once enticed me with its ‘i-bottomless ang saya’ motto, I pamper myself with the ever good-for-the-heart and good-for-the-soul drink—WATER. It has been one upside-down journey for me. And after all the nights of salty and cheesy indulgence, one thing is for sure now: the last laugh will not be for the junkies’. It will be for me.

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