Checking my FS Account

I am not religious. I am not holy. I am not even a devotee. But I am faithful. I am spiritual. And I think it is about time to review my FS account.

Today’s homily got me into this kind of reflection. I am not really used to listening to the homily, to the gospel even. I have enough Christian Life Education (CLE) in grade school, Religion and Morality classes in high school, and even Religious Studies (RS) in college.

I am physically present inside the church. But my mind wanders outside its sturdy walls and exquisite grandeur. Yet, something in this discourse has made me think about my own religious aspect and made me even long for a pen and paper so as for me not to easily forget (since I do easily forget things).

I was busy with my outfit (if you’ve seen me in my black-and-yellow combination, you’ll really think I am imitating Magkaribal’s Victoria). I was so conscious since I was surrounded by guys in this row (I just hope you know how much I hate this scenario). I was even tuning out from Father I-don’t-even-know-the-name’s speech, thinking that it’s just another set of you-know-what sermons. Yet the words live, life, Christian, disciple, discipline, and love drags me back to where I am sitting (at the far back of the Cathedral actually) as if those were magnetic words trying to make me grip something.

Disciple. Disciplined. Sacrifice. Love.

If I am to be His disciple, I have to be disciplined; I have to gain self-control and self-sacrifice. They say you sacrifice because you love. I do not do sacrifice simply because I do not love. If am to love, I would be living my Christian life to its fullest degree. Do I want that? Before, during the ancient times, nuh-uh. Now? I want it. And yes, I WANT it.

I could say that I have enough set of experiences for me to pronounce that gaining self-control is not an easy-pitsy thing to do, even more about sustaining it your whole life. Even though how disciplined people perceive me to be, I really don’t get why it’s so hard for me to discipline myself. See? I get to make people follow me and be as disciplined as they could ever be. But me? I could not take control over my own self. I could not do it. I just can’t. Now, why is this so? I really don’t know.

But this time, I have to. I have grasp the notion (even though I should have realized it a looooooooooooooong loooooooooooooooooong time ago) that I should be thankful that I am one of the billions of people in this planet (yes, quite ironic) that was given the gift of life. Yes. It’s a gift since I did not ask for it. And a gift is a gift. It must be treasured, taken cared of, and most of all, appreciated. I appreciate things by using it and using it in a good way (I don’t have to define good this time right?). And of course, by utilizing it in its full potential (now I remember Conquisidor). I should not be wasting it away by living behind the short-term happiness brought by DVDs and junkies. I should not be squandering it by spending my whole 24 hours in front of my PC (just like what I’m doing and what you’re doing at this very moment). Life is too precious for those kinds of activities.

Ok. It’s funny how I hear things straight from a person who is me. Somebody just like me. Me. But I guess it’s still quite different if I acknowledge this reflection mentally (and bury it together with my other wasted thoughts in my useless unconscious part of the brain) and physically (like using tangible things like words and use it as evidence against myself if ever I need it in the future).

Well, anyhow, I do hope that this will not just remain as words that would be uploaded in the internet and vanish in cyberspace. I do need frequent account checks with my FS and see if all the things I’ve written here do make sense:)

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