[warning: I may sound pathetic here.]
But I never knew what romantic love is. I may have heard it from my friend’s stories, or saw it in a number of Korean movies, or even witness it from my tube at home, while watching teleseryes at night. But you know. I never knew the feeling of somebody staring at you, not because a lot of nasty things are going on around his head, but because he just likes to look at you, to not…no make that NEVER EVER forget your face; no matter how many pimples you have every single day, no matter how deep your eye bags are, or kung pango ang ilong mo o brown ang kulay ng mata mo.
Somebody who holds your hand, not because he wants people to absorb the understanding that he and you are sharing this special relationship, but because gusto lang niyang kabisaduhin ang feel ng kamay mo; that your hand is definitely different from any girl’s hand.
Somebody who asks you out, maybe you can call it a date, but more because he finds it more important to spend his time with you than playing this game earthlings call DOTA; he takes you to places where you and him always go to whenever you guys do go out, not because there’s no other place where he could take you, but because he just wants to establish that place as your place; a special place where you’re free to think that you own it, that only you and him could share memories there.
Somebody who would write you letters. Not just love letters, but even all the sweet nothings, all the senseless things that come into his mind. Not because he knows you love to read letters and he figures na plus pogi points yun kapag from time to time binibigyan mo siya ng letters, but because he wants to share to you a part of his brain, a part of his time, a part of his thoughts, a part of his life, a part of him. Yes. Piece by piece. He’s not totally giving himself to you, but rather it’s more of sharing his personal growth with someone whom he knows is willing to grow with him.
Somebody who invites you to watch movies together. Not because it’s a dark place where you can do all the nasty stuff, but because he just wants to observe your every detail— how you stop munching your pop corn and laugh your heart out at punch lines for comedies, how you try so hard, stopping yourself from sobbing on the right moments for dramas, how you prepare your document folder and position it in front of you and put it up at the perfect timing where the thrill appears for suspense and horror films. Yes. He just wants to notice your every simple detail, without you noticing him for you’re so engrossed with the film you’re watching dahil hindi ka naiilang pag siya ang kasama mo.
And somebody who’s not that outgoing, not that extrinsic, not that expressive, not that thoughtful, not that wordy, not that romantic, but says I love you at moments when you discuss about the latest episode of Naruto, about the performance of P-Noy, about the changing weather, and about the never-ending issue about Piolo Pascual. And he never fails to get you off guard just by saying those words out of no where. It never fails to paint a smile on your face.
Yes. I know. That the HE there is hard to find, or may not even exist at all. And all the things I’ve mentioned may never even happen to me nor to anyone. Or if it does happen, not all would bear those sincere intentions.
Yes. I never experienced any of those. I never had a HE in my life. And I never got the chance to talk with my girl friends and share stories as if I were the You in this write-up.
Yes. I’m a hopeless romantic who believes in destinies and happy-ever-afters. I’m a member of that NBSB Society who never ceased in believing that someday, somehow, I would at least experience what it feels like somebody looking at me in that special way, somebody who would ask me out, somebody who would write me letters, somebody who would invite me to watch any movie genres, and finally, somebody who would sincerely say that he loves me.
I have warned you, I may sound pathetic here. But what can I do? It’s the only story I can share for now. A story which I hope is just the beginning of one realistic love story that I would write and share to people one day. Yes. Somehow, someday, I would be able to share a love story. I would be the YOU here and YOU would have the He that YOU were waiting for.