As much as I would’ve wanted to make my posts as timely as possible, I just couldn’t get the first word running through the blank spaces of my writing canvas the moment an event has passed. Yes. Even just constructing the first sentence has got me on a tight knot. Maybe because of the new surroundings. Maybe because of the uphill journey. Maybe because of the weather. But then, maybe because I might have lost my first word.
The first month
And yes. My first bum month. I arrived in the big city full of anxieties and anticipation. Mixed hopes and mixed notions. Will I get the job I’ve always wanted? Did I make the right decision? Is there really a place for me here? I wouldn’t know. I was too blinded by the fact that yes, finally, I was able to make myself get out of my Safe Zone.
And then, four weeks after, I find myself staring at the blank space of our fully-furnished, 2-bedroom condo unit somewhere in Pasig City. After those overwhelming post offers, after a series of declines I did in every company who responded to my application, after that epic online job, after a chain of night-outs and meet-ups, I am here. Trying to rethink things. Having a classic epiphany. Listening to Gotye’s “Somebody that I used to know”.
This situation has taken its toll on me. And since almost everything I’ve encountered in the last four weeks are so brand new, I have no idea how to handle this. This. Misery. This. Struggle. This. Setback. Do you? Have any idea? Anyone?
Good thing I was able to begin this year with an equally brand new mantra. I swore that I will only stick to optimism and only call upon all positive vibes. But, of course this being the real world, I couldn’t totally avoid times when I’m down and troubled and need a helping hand. I may not have an immediate resolution to this battlefield. But I know, somewhere, sometime: the right job will come, full adjustment will pour down on me, and the bad weather will be washed away by constant sunshine.
Yes. I am that kind of someone now. Someone who came from a province somewhere in the southern-most part of the Philippines. Someone who gave up grand job offers by her S zone and came to the big city to “explore opportunities”. Someone who was once afraid of taking chances. And someone who is now ready to embrace challenges and risks. I will let that someone grow up. I will let that someone learn things the hard way. Maybe because it’s about time. Or, then again, maybe because now has always been the right time.