January 01, 2013: My Pedestrian Lane

It’s funny how things can turn a remarkable 360 degrees. What used to be your permanent has become your temporary, and what you thought stays for the mean time has become your ever after.

and

This is the first day of the rest of my life.

These lines were my introduction supposed-to-be’s for my could-have-been posts before 2012 literally ended (yes, just the year, just the year) and as 2013 washed away my long impeding self-loathing. And then, here I am, sitting at my office space, taking up space, staring at space. I find myself so unproductive for the first two weeks of the year I’m going to turn 23. Fuck. Oops.

Where did all my 2013 revolution have gone? Did they vanish? Is this just me, PMSing? I couldn’t seem to differentiate this supposed to be simple matter. Talk about emotional maturity. Damn. Oops.

There’s so much I look forward to for this year of the water snake. Yes, water is my element. But I loathe snakes. So, maybe this year will bring me more paradoxical challenges and self-discovery tests. My 2012 has been my pedestrian lane. And so is the first day of the rest of my life.

01-01-13, 04:22AM, bed check-in

Just finished Ever After starring Drew Barrymore. It was supposed to be the real story behind the ever clichéd fairy tale—Cinderella. It made me dream about how I’m going to meet my prince charming someday. Yes. Pathetically, I still believe in prince charmings. Crap. Oops.

Hopefully, 2013 will give my love life good tidings. Will I finally meet him? I will finally meet him. I. Will. Meet. Him. Period.

So here I am, tucked in my favourite blanket, in my most favourite place on earth—my own room. Thinking random thoughts. But moreover, thinking how many hours from now, what used to be my permanent will fade into just a hazy memory. Soon, I will be leaving my most favourite place on earth and go back to my second-floor-ish bed post at some random condo in the big city.

01-01-13, 04:22PM, Airport check-in

The place of hello’s and goodbye’s. And here I am again. Strolling with my baggage I never wanted to leave behind. Clutching my ticket to ever after, I needed some convincing, yes, this is for real. Yes, this is for good. I’m off to the bright lights in the big city. I’m off to what used to be just some hazy memory.

And as the plane landed, I see the lights fade into a plethora of sad tears, of random goodbyes, of happy smiles, of crazy fears. Here I am, back in the big city. On the first day of the rest of my life.

Crossing the pedestrian lane

One of the things I find very interesting is the crazy panoramic scene of people in corporate, some ragged, attire crossing the pedestrian lane along Ayala Avenue. I’m one of them. I have become one of them. I see faces and looks in their morning glory. Looking forward to another humdrum hours in the office, sitting like the corporate doll. Looking forward to another exciting day of exams and interviews. Looking forward to another day of routines. I am looking forward for another day full of stories to tell.

My January 01, 2013 has become my pedestrian lane. And so was my 2012. That year, I made the big leap. I left my comfort zone and took all the necessary risks and even broke expectations, just to prove to myself that I am capable of listening to, yes, myself. All these years of living like a gullible doll will be charged to experience. I will not put them to waste.

I have spent three months of self-destruction and self-discovery. A series of ups and downs, of highs and lows and all that crap. Oops. I couldn’t find the job for me. The company I have longed for, the very reason why I took up my course and why I came here, rejected me. I cried over cups of coffee. I cried at the rooftop. I cried inside the comfort room, thinking that yes, it’s my comfort room. Amidst this city of stories, I gradually came up with my own version to tell.

I involved myself with another volunteer work but never really got into it. Just to know that a week after the results came out, I am to be employed by a prestigious media company. That somehow told me that there are things meant to happen, things that will slowly unfold so long as you allow yourself to see and listen. With the eyes of your soul, with the ears of your heart.

My 2013 revolution is a slate of new challenges to face, of new stories to tell. Hence, my blog post hereafter will be entries for my 2013 Revolution: of resolutions, of dares, of promises, of lessons to learn. Yes, I look forward for another year of stories. Still hoping that this time, the year I turn 23, I am going to have a stable job. And I am going to have a love story to tell.

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